Thank you, Dad

My dad had two daughters, no sons. He didn't need a son, he had me.

Before I had kids, I was the best. mom. ever.

I knew exactly how I would raise my kids so they would be healthy, smart, respectful, responsible, and keep their rooms clean...

Then I had kids.

Turns out, parenting is complicated.

Hunting with dad when I was 12.

I didn't have a perfect relationship with my dad. My mom says that he and I were like fire and gasoline. At times.

But I know that he loved me. He spent a lot of time with me. I loved him too.

Parenting is complicated, and now I see my relationship with him from a parent's perspective.

We were featured in a special Outdoor Life cover article.

Daddy's Little Tom Boy

My dad was a great guy. He was handsome and charming. He loved American history and collected antiques, many of which decorate my house today. He was an avid hunter and shooter. He loved Irish folk music.

A lot of who I am is a direct result of his influence.

I shot my first gun at 2 years old. That tells you more about him than about me...

I loved it, though. I'm not so much into guns and shooting as my dad was, but I loved hunting and fishing with him. He would take me to the hunting club on the weekends. I shot my first deer at 10 years old with him at my side, using a little muzzleloader that he built for me. Of course, he was even more excited for my first deer than I was--and I was pretty excited!

I don't know if you can feel the excitement coursing through my little 10 year old veins, but believe me, I was SUPER excited.

Dad taught me to butcher deer in our garage. There were a couple of times that I figured out how to improve on his technique, and I remember him grinning proudly and praising me for doing a good job. When I messed up on a piece, he patiently helped me figure it out.

I have been so grateful for that skill as I have raised livestock on my farm. I have never sent animals off to the butcher for my family's meat, I do it myself. During covid, a lot of people raised meat animals only to find that the local butchers were overbooked and they had to wait a year for their animals to get processed. Not me!

My dad owned a hunting camp in central Ohio, and some of his clients from work gathered there for deer season. I am sure that the last thing a bunch of men at deer camp wanted was a little girl hanging around, but I was my daddy's little girl, and like it or not, Neal's daughter was a permanent fixture at deer camp.

He had views on social issues that I consider outdated, but he always treated me like I was as capable as any boy and he had confidence that I would succeed at whatever I put my mind to.

Dad even paid for my college education. I got a degree in... guess what... Fisheries and Wildlife. What a gift, to be given such a head start in life.

When You Live With Someone...

It's easy to put on a good face when you are only around someone occasionally.

When you live with someone, though, you get to know who they really are when they are tired or having a bad day, or when what you want conflicts with what they want. Your rough edges rub against their rough edges.

That goes for kids and parents both.

Acknowledging that there are parents who are truly toxic, most parents are just normal people, imperfect but doing their best.

Was my dad a perfect parent? No. And for a long time I resented him for it.

I'm not sure what it means to be a perfect parent anymore. I don't think there is such a thing.

There will be times when what a kid wants or thinks is best for them comes into conflict with what a parent wants or thinks is best. Should he have been less selfish and slower to anger? Maybe. Should I have been less selfish and slower to anger? Definitely.

This world is full of broken people doing broken things to each other. We get hurt by the people who are closest to us.

Part of growing up is taking responsibility for myself and letting go of things that are on him.

As a parent myself, I see that in spite of all that I do for my kids, they might (and sometimes do) think that I fall short.

When my kids remember me, I hope that they will see all that I did right for them. I want to have a "glass half full" relationship with my kids, not a "glass half empty" one.

My dad did so very much for me, and I love him for that. When I get to the other side, I want to give him a big hug. I hope that with the maturity that comes from having lived through mortality, we can both be less selfish and slower to anger with each other.

Thank you, dad. Thanks for being my friend, for teaching me valuable skills, and for believing in me.

You live on in me.

A portrait I drew of my dad when I was about 16 years old.