The Path to Happiness: Loving Your Neighbor

Happiness. It's what we all want.

Paradoxically, the more you seek your own happiness, the more elusive it is.

As a newlywed, I was selfish and was careful to not give more than I thought I could get from my husband. He showed me that good relationships are built on wanting what is best for the other person, not looking out for your own self interest.

Have you noticed that people who are self centered are the least happy? Acquiring as much stuff as possible, making choices that benefit themselves at the cost of someone else, result in a hollow shell of a person who always thinks they are getting the short end of the stick.

Kind souls who spend their time in service to others, often without being noticed, are the ones who are happy deep down. Maybe everything in their life isn't perfect, but loving other people gives them a sense of purpose and value. Social groups who exhibit unselfish love towards each other and the broader community have a greater sense of belonging and security than groups whose value is to look out for Number One.

Loving your neighbor is really the path to happiness.

Let's be real though. It might sound simple, but it's a really hard thing to do sometimes! Loving your neighbor can be the HARDEST thing you are ever asked to do.

Before we dig in, I have to issue a disclaimer. I am not perfect at this. I'm not setting myself up as the person who has this figured out and always gets it right. Believe me, I don't. I do, though, have enough experience on both sides that I can tell you that I am happier when I act out of love for people than when I am selfish or unkind.

Random Acts of Kindness

I love this because it's the easiest way to brighten someone's day--and in turn, brighten your own. Random acts often take very little planning or time.

Have you ever given a stranger a compliment? Or let someone else go in line in front of you?

The look of surprise and happiness on that person's face is worth so much more than whatever it cost you to do the thing. The point is less about the actual value of the thing that you did for them, which may be very small, and more about the fact that you did something nice just for the sake of being nice. A real sense of love and warmth is felt by both parties.

Very often when you do random acts of kindness, it's to a complete stranger whom you will never see again. They will not have a chance to pay you back. Most people are so touched by your kindness that they want to pay it forward and do something nice for someone else.

Here are some ideas of random acts of kindness you can do:

• Contact the superviser of a store employee you think did a good job and let the boss know that they were representing the company well. Be sure to get the name of that employee.

• Pay for the meal or groceries of someone who looks like they are tight on cash.

• Write a letter of appreciation to your local police or firefighters.

• Wash the dishes when it's not your turn.

• Shovel the snow off of someone's car.

• Get to know the janitor on a first name basis.

• Tell someone they have a beautiful smile.

• Introduce yourself to the family who just moved into the neighborhood and tell them you are happy they are here.

Doing Service

Are you busy? Do you feel like you don't have enough time to get the stuff done that is on your list? Doing service is usually inconvenient.

So why would you spend a chunk of your day doing something for someone else?

There are situations where people need something done that they cannot do themselves, but when others pitch in, it gets done.

For instance, the year my husband was in Afghanistan I was left with my two young kids and absolutely no way to put up firewood for the winter. My church group and my husband's army buddies who did not deploy showed up like heroes and got the job done. I can't even begin to tell you how much that meant to me.

I am busy. You are busy. We are all busy. Do you know what I have noticed, though? No matter how much time I spend being busy and getting the stuff done, I'm always still busy. There is really no end to the list. As long as my most basic needs have been met, so what if I take an occasional half day to help a little old lady with her chickens when she is doing her best to be self sufficient but lacks physical ability? I have a skill and strength that she doesn't. What a waste of my gifts if I do not use them to help her.

Service Before Self is a great motto. Let's take care of each other so that no one's needs go unmet.

Speak Kind Words

You know the old rhyme, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? It's not true.

Have you ever gossiped about someone only to have your words get back to them, and then you felt terrible about what you said? I have. Gossip hurts. Even after I found out about damage that I did and I apologized for it, it still had hurt people and tainted other people's attitudes towards the victims. I will never do that again.

What I would rather do is say kind things about people behind their backs. And to their faces. Build people up. I have known individuals who never, ever say hurtful things about anyone. They are a joy to be around. I never worry what they might say about me, and they help me have a brighter outlook on life. I want to be like that.

As my mom says, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". Words to live by.

Loving Your Enemies

A book published in 1978 by Michael Hart called The 100 listed his picks for the one hundred most influential people in the history of the world. Hart, who is Jewish, listed Jesus 3rd for his revolutionary teaching to love your enemies. Hart said that if people actually followed that teaching, he would have put Jesus at number 1.

This world is full of people who are sad and hurting. It is safe to assume that every person you come in contact with has secret sorrows that are weighing them down. We are broken people, living in a broken world, doing broken things to each other. Just like random acts of kindness can motivate people to pay it forward and be kind to someone else, so too can hate, selfishness and abuse cause people to lash out at others in ways that hurt.

It's not easy to love your neighbor when they are being a jerk.

I know someone whose neighbor puts dog poop on her porch. It's easy to say that we should love our enemies, but when someone is actively antagonizing you like that, the reality of it is hard!! I get it.

Some relationships are toxic and just need to end. But you can't always get out of toxic relationships. Maybe you can't move to a new apartment to get away from that neighbor and their dog. Perhaps your boss is a jerk. What if kids at school are bullying your kid and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Maybe we can't always fix the broken relationships, but we can try. I believe in the truth of loving our enemies, and love has the power to change hearts. Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther Kind Jr. are stunning examples of humans who were treated with brutality and discrimination but cleaved to this principal and won over many hearts of people who had formerly been their enemies.

Abuse cycles need someone to break the cycle.

Someone who has felt rejected and unloved needs to feel included and loved.

Someone who values selfishness needs to be shown the beauty of selflessness.

I need to see my neighbor for who they have the potential to be, and not for the broken person this broken world has shaped them to into.

I must choose love instead of hate.

The Golden Rule states that we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. I want to live in a world where everybody does that.

Join me. Let's love our neighbor and create happiness.